A Christmas Wedding (no kids!)

Christmas seems to have come around  faster than any other year this year and just when I thought I had everything “wrapped up” something else crops up which sends me back into a frenzy.  This time of year is manic anyway, especially with kids, so you may think it bonkers that my now husband and I decided it would also be the perfect time of year for a romantic winter wedding.   As we started to organise our wedding we were instantly confronted by the “do we invite kids or not?” question which has certainly become a hot topic and creates a lot of debate and mixed opinions

Would you, or wouldn’t you?

As it’s the anniversary of our wedding this month (and we decided not to invite children) and after reading lots of mixed opinions on this particular topic  it seemed like ( gritting my teeth) the perfect time to share my experience.

Firstly lets all be completely honest with our-selves and admit that a wedding without kids is a lot more fun and less stressful.

Yes I agree they can look really cute when they are dressed up but they are also completely unpredictable and you have no idea what may happen on the day.

Not inviting children is also one way to scale back on the numbers and we all know that this can be one of the most stressful things before thinking about everything else. “ Do we invite her, do we invite their partner that we’ve only ever met once or not at all.  Do we invite Auntie Pam who lives in the countryside and only seen a couple of times?” The arguments already start. So eliminating the children is a good start.  I appreciate there may be criticism and by judging a lot of comments on other forums there are some pretty strong opinions about not having kids at weddings.

I have been to lots of weddings, as a pregnant person, with a new-born and still breastfeeding, with a toddler, without a toddler, loads abroad  (a whole different conversation) and can safely say I much preferred the weddings without my toddler.   Breastfeeding at a wedding just sucks (pardon the pun) because you can’t fully relax and you can’t drink!   Of course I would always invite a friend with a new-born but would not be in the least bit offended if they would rather not come.   Going to a wedding with a toddler was just too stressful and at no point did I feel like I could relax or indulge in a good conversation with the guests. There is a constant stand off with your partner about who should be the one not to drink, or who was the last person who took their kid to the loo so it just becomes a bit of a ball ache.   Kids are unpredictable. They cry. They bump into things, they scream and shout, stick their fingers into places that they shouldn’t…

But yes they can also be surprisingly well behaved and bring joy to the big day but it’s a risk I am not willing to take.

We actually only had 2 children at our wedding, our daughter who was 2 and my nephew who was 3
Both very much at that age where you had no idea what mood they were in or whether a tantrum would be thrown.   I know inviting them seems very hypocritical of me but it felt wrong not having them there, and I knew in years to come if I hadn’t made our daughter a flower girl, I would have regretted it, however, it definitely didn’t cause any less stress.

Unbelievably both were incredibly well behaved on the day.  Of course the continuous bribery of lollipops, milk on tap and the ipad were all completely vital and I didn’t feel guilty at all.   I do remember, however, feeling slightly on edge when I noticed my nephew sliding around on the church floor underneath the Christmas tree kicking his legs and then tried to take the Christmas lights out!   I know everyone was thinking the same as me – was he going to pull the tree down onto the guests or worse electrocute himself!

Our daughter shouted “Buggy” down the aisle and then as soon as she saw daddy shouted “daddy!”   It was actually super cute and there was a harmonious “ awwwwwwwwwww”

Apart from the waiting around in the cold for the taxi that didn’t show up, the early pick up post wedding day, and the plus one on our honeymoon –  it all worked out ok. I would have probably preferred to get married before kids but hey… we live in a modern world now and you just can’t plan these things.   I don’t regret for one second not having kids at our wedding.   I know all my guests had a much better time and could, for one night only, let their hair down.

Tips for the “ no kids” rule (trying to not hurt anyone’s feelings)

  • Before invites go out say to your guests that it’s going to be a no kids policy. This will soften the blow when the invites go out
  • Word the invite correctly and rather than saying “no kids” say “ adult only”
  • Be firm! If you say yes to someone then you will probably have to say yes to others, which completely defeats the object of having no kids in the first place!
  • Send invites out quite far in advance so it gives your guests enough time to sort a babysitter out.

 

Did you have kids at your wedding or decide on having a no kids policy? We would love to hear your stories x

1Comment
  • Louise Boyce
    Posted at 13:00h, 24 December Reply

    We didn’t have any kids at our wedding – apart from our son who was shipped off after the church. It was nice for our friends with kids to actually kick back and relax and for me too. Love kids but no one wants screams over your wedding vows!

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