03 Apr A day in the life of a parent
6.10am Alarm goes off, hit snooze.
6.20am Alarm goes off, hit snooze.
6.25am Jump out of bed as realise have inadvertently hit snooze and fallen back to sleep, am now running late. Already.
6.26am Thank all that is divine for the cup of tea sitting on my bedside table (my husband is a legend).
6.27am Try to get to bathroom before 4 year old spots me and runs in (“mummy, I almost missed your shower!” Erm, that was kind of the point).
6.35am One shower, 3000 questions and 100 “I can see your bum” comments later – apply make-up. Lots of make-up. Basically any make-up that claims to brighten eyes, reduce dark circles, and disguise tired blotchy dry skin (I am a beaut in the morning).
6.45am Put on smart work clothes, then rummage through pile of clothes on top of chest of drawers to find something baby friendly to put on top.
6.55am Fetch bottle of milk for the baby and stuff top third of dirty clothes mountain into machine and turn on – dirty clothes mountain now reduced to large hill status.
7am Sun comes up on Groclocks – BRACE BRACE BRACE.
7.05am Lay out clothes for 6 year old and ask her to make her bed and get dressed.
7.06am Start negotiations with 4 year old about which t-shirt he will wear to nursery.
7.10am Ask 6 year once again to make her bed and get dressed.
7.11am Conclude negotiations with 4 year old and dress said 4 year old while he attempts to play with a giant aeroplane.
7.14am 6 year old appears with pants on her head and socks on her hands pretending to be a boxer (try not to laugh), 4 year old now wants to dress up as a fireman
7.15am Ask 6 year old once again to make her bed and get dressed (slightly hysterically)
7.20am 4 year old and 6 year old are now dressed. Get the baby up.
7.21am Wrestle 18 month old out of pyjama bottoms and into clean nappy.
7.25am Give up trying to persuade 18 month old to take off pyjama top, put t-shirt in nursery bag.
7.26am Brush three sets of teeth and get everyone downstairs.
7.27am Realise I forgot to brush my own teeth, everyone goes back upstairs.
7.35 am Make toast and try to ignore argument between 4 year old and 6 year old about who gets to hold the bag of toast in the car.
7.36am Threaten to throw toast in the bin if 4 year old and 6 year old cannot agree on who holds toast.
7.37am Four pairs of shoes on, coats on, bags and buggy by the door.
7.45am Drag buggy and bags to car, trying not to get mud from buggy wheels on smart work clothes. Hit shins three times.
7.50am Lock front door
7.51am Realise I have forgotten 6 year old’s gym kit/nappies for nursery/my laptop – spend a few minutes deciding how crucial it is, decide it is very crucial, unlock door and get it
7.55am Load and strap three children into car seats. Hit shins again.
8am Park outside nursery, unload buggy, nursery bag, spare nappies. Hit shins twice more.
8.03am Unload the three children from the car.
8.05am Hang coats and bags on pegs and make one last attempt at convincing 18 month old to let me take off pyjamas and put on t-shirt. Give up and hand t-shirt to nursery staff.
8.07am Give huge kisses and cuddles to 4 year old and 18 month old as I pass them over to the nursery staff, all the time wishing I had not shouted so much and had just enjoyed the morning with them a bit more. Feel like terrible mother.
8.20am Brush 6 year old’s hair as we walk into breakfast club and do a quick pony-tail, promise to be more organised tomorrow and have time to do a plait or the pretty thing her mum’s friend does (make mental note to ask friend’s mum how on earth she does it). Feel like a terrible mother.
8.21am More huge kisses and cuddles and promises to try to get home in time for bed.
8.25am Drop car at home and run to catch tube.
9.00am Enjoy cup of tea at my desk and finally eating some breakfast while checking my emails. Breathe. Start work.
12.30pm Pop out to grab some lunch. Realise that I have forgotten tomorrow is dress up day at school and spend rest of lunch break dashing around trying to find last minute costume in one of the numerous non-child orientated shops near my office (shop assistant in Charles Tyrwhitt: “no,madam, we do not sell giraffe costumes”).
1pm Head down and work.
6pm Start watching clock. Must leave soon if any hope of making bedtime….
6.30pm Run out of work in desperate bid to make it home for bedtime as promised.
6.35pm Scramble to get on tube without getting trapped in tube doors. Launch myself onto carriage a la Jack Bauer (minus commando roll at the end).
7.05pm Arrive home having run all way from tube in order to not miss bedtime. Hope lungs don’t collapse (mental note – must do more exercise).
7.06pm Kisses and cuddles to 4 year old and 6 year old (baby already asleep – I assume, I daren’t go in in case he isn’t!)
7.10pm Start getting cross that children using delay tactics (more water, need loo, another story) – know it is entirely my fault for coming up to see them when they are already in bed but still get cross. Feel like a terrible mother.
7.15pm Hang out clean washing, realise top third of laundry did not include any knickers for me. Pants.
7.30pm Tidy house (again) while wondering how on earth it got so messy without anyone here all day. Seriously, how?!?
8.15pm Look at to do list to see what can cross off.
8.16pm Realise have not managed to get done anything on my list and actually need to add another three things.
8.30pm Give up and watch rubbish TV and eat body weight in chocolate and crisps.
9.00pm Vow to stop eating chocolate and crisps and exercise more, I will lose the baby weight (wonder if I can still really count it as baby weight anymore since said baby is now 18 months old).
10pm Check on my sleeping babies before heading off to bed. Attempt to extract 4 year old’s foot from between bed guard bars without waking him up.
10.15pm Crawl into bed and re read same two pages of book that I have read for the past two weeks. Wonder if am still reading same book – recollect nothing of what have read so far. I may have to go back to the beginning.
10.30pm Pass out.